Being a peacemaker as your child marries

It is a unique season when a child is preparing to get married. As a pastor for 25 years and as a parent myself, I have experienced the joy, tenderness, and tension of this holy time. Our adult child is embarking on a new life and at the same time God is inviting us, as parents, to engage – not from a position of control, but rather as peacemakers.

Scripture reminds us

“God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.”

Matthew 5:9 NLT

Being a peacemaking parent in this season means checking our own hearts to see if we are motivated with love rather than fear, and humility rather than having to be right.

There will be letting go that needs to happen as our role moves from guiding decisions to offering prayer, wisdom and encouragement when invited. 

There are sometimes some difficult matters that will need to be discussed during the wedding planning time. Peacemaking doesn’t mean we remain silent or avoid difficult moments; it does mean listening and learning to sit with potentially discomforting emotions without rushing into defence. This can be a season of reconciliation and of bringing peace to the past. Romans 12 :18 in the bible gives us clear, practical advice “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

The best wedding gift we can give to the newlyweds is to seek God’s help in reflecting Christ’s presence – calm, loving, and full of peace.

This article was written by Kath Henry. Kath has a background in Nursing and Pastoring. She currently mentors leaders and runs spiritual formation retreats. Kath is married to Phil and they have a married daughter, two sweet grandchildren and a son who is in his twenties.

The principles of PeaceWise have inspired Kath and Phil to become trainers as they have seen relationships transformed by these God given ways of relating well in times of conflict.