Christian conflict coaching
about conflict coaching
Conflict coaching involves you receiving help from a person whose whole role is to help you to deal with a conflict situation in a godly way.
They will listen deeply, pray with you, explore the issues involved with you, invite you to bring God into the centre of the conflict and help you plan the best way to move forward.
In every case, conflict coaching involves talking together with the coach, normally in person. If this isn’t possible, it can be done online by video too.
The coach will hear your story of the person involved in the conflict. Then they will help them work through both the relationship issues and the material questions that need to be resolved.
The conflict coach doesn’t tell the person what to do. Rather, the conflict coach will help them:
- first, tell their story
- then, examine their heart, whilst reflecting on God’s word an what it is calling them to do and;
- finally, help them make a plan for talking to the other person involved in the conflict
The conflict coach brings hope, a supportive ear and practical suggestions on what to do. The coach will typically assign the person being coached some work to do in between sessions.
Often, serious reflection on our own contribution to a conflict is a key part of the process. Significantly, this may involve confession both before God and the other person. Issues of the heart, forgiveness, trusting in God and prayerfully coming before him for help also often feature strongly.
At the same time, learning how to ‘speak the truth in love’ about the other person’s contribution with a right heart attitude and wise words is also part of the process.
Conflict coaching does not have a fixed duration. However, unlike more general counselling, it focuses specifically on helping a person deal with a specific conflict situation or relationship.
Typically it might involve between two to six sessions of up to two hours at a time. This is always something that the conflict coach and the person involved will discuss and agree between themselves.
Photo: Sarah Wickham
what costs are involved?
|case establishment fee||$125 plus GST for individuals, $200 plus GST for organisations|
|coaching fees||varies depending on the conflict coach and the nature of case,|
but normally between $80 to $150 per conflict coaching hour.
Executive Coaching (e.g. Principals, C-Suite, denominational leaders, business owners/leaders etc.) is charged at a higher rate, typically between $150 to $250 per hour.
Some coaches charge GST, whilst others do not.
|expenses||at cost – eg. travel, accommodation etc|
how do I proceed if I’m interested?
- Read this page (including the FAQ’s below) so you understand the Christian conflict coaching process which PeaceWise supports
- Send us your enquiry form (see the bottom of this page) so we can liaise with you to discuss your situation, confirm it’s a suitable case for conflict coaching, and then seek to connect you with a conflict coach
- We’ll then proceed with some forms and payment and the conflict coaching can begin.
make a conflict coaching enquiry
free conflict coaching
Our Coronavirus response is that we want to hold out a hand of love to you at this tough time. We want to give you two free 40 minute sessions of conflict coaching and prayer support, as an expression of the love of Jesus to you.
who are PeaceWise coaches ?
The coaches sourced by PeaceWise come from a wide variety of denominations, walks of life and professional backgrounds – including for example, pastors, teachers, counsellors, psychologists, lawyers, geologists, pastoral care workers, doctors, mission leaders, and court support workers.
PeaceWise will seek to appropriately match the coach to the case and situation based on the particular circumstances of the case in question and the suitability and availability of the coaches on our database.
PeaceWise will establish the coaching engagement, but each coach’s actual coaching services are provided to you by them as independent contractors.
Conflict coaches recommended by PeaceWise:
• are Christian;
• will be using the Bible and praying during the coaching process;
• will be encouraging and challenging parties to reflect on their attitudes and behaviour (and for those who consider themselves Christians – what the Bible/God has to say about the conflict).
tell me more about what the process involves?
Conflict coaching involves the coach meeting privately with one party to a conflict.
Coaching typically spans between two to six meetings, with each meeting typically taking between one and two hours.
Coaching is preferably completed in person with a party, but if this is not possible, arrangements can be made for coaching to be conducted by audio-visual electronic means (e.g. Zoom) or by phone.
Coaching meetings typically involve conflict coaches undertaking some or all of the following matters:
• Listening to the party’s story;
• Endeavouring to understand the party;
• Encouraging and giving hope to the party to work towards a God honouring reconciliation of the damaged relationship and a reasonable resolution of the issues;
• Equipping and preparing the party to respond in a God honouring way to the other party by recommending specific tasks/actions (e.g. reading Scripture or some other book, self-reflection, journaling, praying);
• Praying for the Holy Spirit’s guidance and empowerment of the party;
• Explaining the aim of the conflict coaching meetings and role of the conflict coach.
The aim of PeaceWise conflict coaching is to equip and encourage a coached party to reflect on the situation with sufficient God and self-awareness to be able to decide and carry out the most loving response to the other party in the conflict situation.
Our hope is that the coached party will after the meetings be equipped and encouraged to graciously go to the other party/ies with which they are in conflict (with others if appropriate) seeking a God honouring reconciliation of the damaged relationship and a reasonable resolution to the issues.
The first session will begin with hearing your story, gaining some insight into the situation you wish to work on, building mutual trust and understanding and identifying goals for the process.
Subsequent sessions will be structured around mutually agreed areas of focus, typically including considering issues such as:
- what will be a God-pleasing approach to this situation?
- what has my contribution been and what do I need to do in response to this?
- how can I go about having a productive and respectful conversation or dialogue with the other person, including addressing unhelpful or negative behaviour on their part?
- how can you navigate towards a better relationship with the other person from here?
Coaching will always include prayer as well as the use of God’s word at suitable points.
You coach will have practical discussion with you around not just the what but the how to address issues and seek to make forward progress in a God-pleasing way.
what does the person being coached have to do?
Participation of any person in any PeaceWise assisted conflict coaching service means they agree to:
•prioritise the scheduling and attending of meetings amidst their other commitments;
•complete any preparatory/homework in a timely way and providing this to the coach as asked by the coach;
•seriously self-reflect on their own contribution to the conflict;
•pay all the relevant fees (if not agreed to be paid by an organisational stakeholder/third party); and
•complete an evaluation on the performance of the conflict coach at the conclusion of the process
how can I get trained in Christian conflict coaching?
PeaceWise offers conflict coaching courses to enable you to develop skills in this area. Head to the PeaceWiseYou page of our website for more details.