Choosing restraint
When conflict comes, some people just want it to disappear. In their desire to avoid discomfort, they can slip down the slippery slope into peace-faking behaviours such as denial, withdrawal or running away from the situation altogether.
Others are more inclined to lean in. They are not afraid of a fight, and their posture can quickly become, “Bring it on.” While a willingness to engage conflict is not necessarily a bad thing, it can also lead people down the slippery slope in the opposite direction, into peace-breaking behaviours. This may look like dominating a conversation, failing to listen well, pushing our point of view at all costs, or responding with words and actions that tear others down.
It can feel natural, even satisfying in the moment, to fight back, retaliate or prove that we are right. Yet Scripture invites us to take a very different path. In James 1:19 (NLT), we are reminded:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
James 1:19 (NLT)
Even when it feels justified to fight, retaliate, or pay back a perceived wrong, God calls us to temper our responses with humility, patience, and self-control. Choosing a peacemaking response in conflict isn’t weakness – it’s courage. By resisting the impulse to attack, we reflect Christ’s heart, cultivate character, and create space for reconciliation.
We know, of course, that this is easier said than done! Self-control is not something we can manufacture on our own – it is a gift from God, one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and it grows in us as we lean on him. As Philippians 2:13 reminds us, it is God who works in us “to will and to act in order to fulfil his good purpose”. When we rely on his Spirit, he gives us the strength to respond with patience and restraint as peacemakers, even when our instincts pull us toward more aggressive or peace-breaking responses.
Conflict doesn’t have to be a battleground. It can be an invitation to grow in patience, strengthen our character, and glorify God by choosing peace.
For those who want to go deeper, check out the tools section in the PeaceWise app to learn more about the slippery slope of conflict, and how we can choose peacemaking responses rather than responding with a peace-breaking reaction.
